Yes, the dog is still kickin'. Sorry, but he'll be coming back into play soon. lol And I went to vacation at Beaver Lake... so pretty. Okay, it's short, but an update finally.
I stand in the shower longer than I should, but I can't help but enjoy the calm surroundings as I let the warm water run over my body. Some people run to clear their minds, but this is what I do. I let out a sigh, knowing I should get out sooner or later before I turn into a complete prune before I hear the door open. A smile tugs at the corners of my lips as I come to the realization that it's Kris. I quickly rinse off, grabbing the towel I had hanging over the shower door and turn the water off. I give my hair a quick shake, before drying off and wrapping the towel around me. I step out of the shower to see him leaning back against the counter, his arms crossed against his chest as he watches me. It's then that I take in his attire; he has a suit on. I forgot about that stupid road trip coming up..
As I continue to take the site of him in, I don't know when I became this way. I don't know when my face started lighting up when my phone goes off, hoping and praying it's him. I don't know when caring for him wasn't the issue anymore, almost as if it was as natural as breathing and the issue changed to wanting to be enough for him, wanting him to care for me like I do him. And I don't know a moment in my life that I've ever been happier than finding out that he did.
And most importantly, I don't know when I started hating myself for all of this. For letting this happen. For letting him in. For falling so damn hard for him.
I've told myself a million times that I need to get a hold of myself, I need to control my emotions, that I can't let my mind get the best of me. And that's exactly what I've been telling myself is in charge of my actions; my mind. Not my heart... that would mean that I loved him with ever fiber of my being, and admitting that at this point is way to scary.
It's not natural. Normal people don't fall for others this quickly. It's not rational. I know all of these things, but no matter how many times I run these simple ideas through my head, it's like my mind can't grasp the concept of it.
As he stares back at me, I know he knows something is up. I know that he's been wondering what my problem is for a while now. I practically attacked him, taunted him even, on more than one occasion and then become this quiet, reserved Kailyn again. He's never said anything or even brought it up, but I know he's wondering what the hell is wrong with me.
The only thing that is bothering me is that I'm scared as hell. I'm a chicken shit. Happiness is within my grasp, literally, and it's almost as if I'm digging my heels in, not wanting to be tugged any closer to it. I know I could love him, possibly even might, and even though he's never said those three words to me, I can see it in his ever motion; the way he looks at me, the way he holds me, and it scares the hell out of me.
She's doing it again. She's been doing it for a while now. She'll stare at me, biting her bottom lip the slightest bit while her eyes have this far off gaze, and then her eyes refocus on me, and they go wide in fear. She smiles at me faintly before wrapping her towel tighter around her body and finally making her way over toward me.
"When do you get back?" She asks while laying her head on my shoulder, getting my suit slightly wet, but I could care less at this point. I wrap my arms around her, making her release a content sigh.
"Four days," I mumble back quietly into her hair. She pulls away a little bit from me and looks up at me.
"Okay. Call me when you're back in town and I'll come over. I mean, if you want me to that is," she rambles, trying to back away from me but I won't let her.
"Don't do that," I mutter a little more angrily that needed. Knowing she's looking for a way out, I pick her up an put her on the counter, putting my arms on both sides of her body so she can't get away. "Don't do this to me," I reiterate. "Not now," I add after there is a couple of seconds of silence between us. "You don't get to act like this is just casual, because I'm way to invested in this now for you to run away from me now, okay?" I say in a softer voice before leaning down to kiss her. Things get heated, real quick and I find myself using all the force I have to pull away, just like I always do. I take a deep breath before looking up at her. "So, we're good?" She nods her head 'yes' before that shy smile of hers crosses her face that drives me crazy. "Okay then. You better be in this house when I get back," I command with a smile before kissing her one last time and turning away from her, knowing if I don't leave now, I'm never going to.